Ryan Garwood

Member since 2011

Occupation: Student

Ryan was born on the banks of the mighty Ohio River, the son of a riverboat gambler and a barmaid with a heart of silver. He was expelled from boarding school after an unfortunate accident involving stoats and industrial glow in the dark paint, so he joined the circus to make his family proud. Not long after, he was dishonorably discharged when he was discovered with performance enhancing seltzer, but he vehemently insists he was framed. Stolen calliope in hand, he fled to the coast and bartered it for passage aboard a steam ship, only to be captured by pirates quicker than you can say “bananas.” Fortunately, the pirates took to him like a crocodile takes to Paul Hogan, and he was soon sailing the high seas, exchanging jokes for table scraps.